Sunday, July 25, 2010
He & She
He &She By Bissme S
He told her, a secret of his that was buried in his heart for ages. She was shocked. She was speechless. She went into her room and cried her hearts out. She refused to discuss the matter any further.
But a few hours later, she was standing in front of him, looking calm and composed. The first thing she did was to hug him. Both of them had tears in their eyes. Wiping away his tears, she said to him: “Do not worry, I will find a cure for you. Once you are cured, God will forgive your sins. God is very forgiving.”
He did not protest. Like always, he let her run his life. She wanted him to change. She wanted him to be a better man. She sought the church’s help. He was send to a religious rehabilitation program where he can repent his sin and finally walked the road the Jesus wanted him to walk.
Every day of the 100 days in the rehabilitation program he was subjected to lectures where a world of hell awaits for sinners like him. The only way out was to repent and never to repeat his sins again. He felt like he was in a torture chamber. Fear dance in his bones each time the lecture was over.
He had nightmares where the fire of hell was burning him, alive. He was shouting in terrible pain and nobody shown mercy, not even God. He learned the hard way that God may not be as forgiving as she had painted him to be. God can be a merciless punisher.
When he returned home, he lied. He pretended that he was cured. He had embraced God and all his teaching with an open heart. He was a better man.
He didn’t want to go back to the rehabilitation program at any cost. He was tired of listening to sermons about hell and punishment. He just wanted the nightmares to stop.
She believed every word he said. No question asked. She really believed God has saved him and showed him the right path. Sometimes lies are easier to believe than the truth.
In front of her, he learn to wear a mask of lies Sometimes he asked himself If God wanted him to be straight why did God make him have this feelings. He never found the answers. Perhaps some questions are never meant to have answers.
He had more room to breath when he got a job in a city where there is less discrimination against people like him. Slowly he learned to throw his mask away. He learned to love himself more. He felt like a slave who finally gets to enjoy his freedom.
But whenever he goes back to his hometown to see her, the mask of lies will be on his face again. He will enter in a world where he will be a stranger to himself. She suspects nothing. Out of blue, came a day, he was tired of living a life of lies. It was a time to end the charade. He felt the time has come for her to know the truth and learned to accept him for what he is.
But the truth didn’t go well with her. She was furious. She wanted to send him to the rehabilitation program again where he will repent, reform and be a better man. Boldly he refused her request. She threw him out of the house.
“Do not come back till you have repented,” she said.
He really believed he would never see her again. But he was wrong. Six months later, on his birthday, she was standing at his front door. He was speechless. She wanted to mend their broken relationship. She wanted to be his mother again.
She even brought some of her famous porridge that he likes as a peace offering. It didn’t take him long to hug her and welcomed her into his apartment. All was forgiven and forgotten.
Only after eating the porridge he had realized that he had invited his own death instead of the woman he called his mother. The porridge was poison. She came to his house with only one aim… the aim of killing him.
She has given him time to change but he did not change. So she took matters in her hand. By raising a gay son, she felt she had sin. From what she understood, there is no heaven for sinners like her.
She wanted forgiveness. She wanted redemption. She wanted heaven. By killing him was her way of getting forgiveness from God …was her way getting redemption…was her way getting a place in heaven
After he had taken his last breath, she left his apartment and took bus to her house at their hometown. There was no remorse. There was no sadness. There were no tears. She had convinced herself that she did not kill her son but a devil in disguise.