Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Blind Date

The Blind Date  By  Bissme S 

"I am a man in search of adventures," he said 
"Then I will give you one adventure that you will not forget," she said. 

It was the first time they met. They were on a blind date. They did not wait for their meals to arrive. They paid the bills and left the restaurant. She drove him to a funeral where she worked as make -up artist. Her job was to make dead people look beautiful and glamorous. She took him to see a beautiful woman who had just died. 

"She is only 22," she said. 
"She has taken her own life. She drowned herself in a river. I want you to make love to her." 

He was shocked. He was disgusted. He was reluctant. 

"Where have your adventure spirit disappear to?" she asked. 

He did not want her to win. He wanted to wipe away her gloating smile from the faces. He took out his clothes. He was completely naked. He kissed the mouth of the dead body. Then he climbed on the top of dead body. He inserted the penis into her vagina. Violently, he was making love to the dead body till he reached a climax. 

She never thought he would have the guts to prove her wrong. She admired him. Love was dancing in her heart. Lust was poking at every part of her body. She wanted him inside her. But she controlled herself. Her late mother always told her that a true lady never sleeps with her man on their first date. She waited patiently for their second date to have him inside her. 

On their 50th date, he took her to an exhibition of an artist that the world admires and respects. Unlike everyone, she was not impressed what had been displayed. 

“The artist is over-rated and over- paid, “she whispered to her boyfriend. 
“The artist just splashed some colours on the empty canvas and people consider his works as masterpiece.” 

He laughed, listening to her sarcasm. Then he said:” I challenge you to express your views in front of everybody in this gallery.” 

She was surprised. She was reluctant to make his bet a reality. 

“I thought you are a gutsy woman,” he said, 
“It is a shame that you have proven me wrong.” 

She did not want him to win. She wanted to wipe away his gloating smile from his face. She walked in middle of gallery and said:”Hello everyone! Can I have your attention, please? “  

 “Everyone have good things to say about this exhibition. But I believe most of you are hypocrites. I believe most of you are so afraid to express what you really feel about this exhibition. 

“You are afraid that people will condemn you and called you an illiterate for not understand the real meanings behind these art pieces. Personally I find art pieces here are terrible. 

“I find my 10- year-old nephew can draw better than him. Let me demonstrate to you, physically, how terrible his works are.” 

Then she urinated in front of everyone. She believe she would be thrown out from gallery for insulting  the guests and for wetting the floor of the gallery with her urine. But that did not happen. 

Instead of anger, the guests gave her a thunderous applause. They thought she was a model that the artist had hired to do some kind of live art. They believe what they were seeing and hearing was art in progress. 

“Are you guys, moron,’ she shouted. 
“You are giving me applause for insulting you … For peeing.” 

The angrier she got, the more applause she received. At one corner of the gallery her boyfriend was laughing his head off, looking at the comedy situation that she had created, unintentionally. 

When he stopped laughing, he looked at her with the eyes of admiration. She was smart, sexy and she makes him laugh, constantly. His late mother always told him that if you want a happy marriage, then, marry a woman who will make you laugh. He did not waste any time. That night he asked her to be his wife. 


Five years later, one night, he found his wife in bed with his best friend. He had been paying far too much attention to his work. She felt neglected. His best friend had major crush on her. Her loneliness had driven her into the arms of his best friend.    

“All my life, all I wanted is to have you in my arms,” his best friend said. 

She thought her husband would throw abusive curses at her and she would end up with a slap in her face. His best friend thought her husband would punch him and he would end up with a broken nose. 

But no violence took place. Her husband simply took his clothes and said: “Make room for me in the bed. I am jumping in.” 

That night they had the best sex in their lives. It did not take long for the best friend to move in with couple. They eat together. They bath together. They sleep together. They have sex together. They did almost everything together. 

“I am woman with two husbands,” she said during one of their love sessions. The two men who loved her simply let out a huge laughter. 

“A woman is not a woman till she has two husbands in one bed,” he said. 

Five years later his best friend discovered God. He felt sinful of their living arrangements. 

“I love you,” his best friend said to her. 
“I want you in my life. I want you to go to heaven with me. Let us live our lives through God’s rules. Leave your husband and marry me. I want to make an honest woman out of you.” 

Politely, she declined his offer. 

“I am allergic to religion,” she said. 
“The man you asked me to abandon is the love of my life. I will leave him, no matter what.”  

The best friend becomes a preacher. The best friend got married to a homely religious girl and had five children. The best friend was leading a decent life. After all, he wanted heaven. 

“If you married him, you could have gone to heaven,” he teased her. 
“Heaven will be hell for me if you are not with me,” she said. 

He laughed. He kissed her passionately. He thought to himself that how lucky he was to find a woman who loved him more than life itself. 

But God loves sad endings. He died young. He died of a heart attack. She was totally devastated. Life has no meaning for her, now. She had his skin preserved. She bounded his skin as a cover to a book that filled empty pages. 

The empty pages in this book would not remain empty for long. She plans to write every moment she spent with him and every word that they have said to each other. It will be a book that will tell their love story. She would carry the book where she goes. She would keep the book close to her heart. She wants his skin touch her skin. 

The End.    

PS: I have recently released a collection of my short stories in book titled Doubt that you could get in major book stores. The Blind Date is featured in this book. 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

A Book Review On Doubt

Recently a blogspot titled The Perks Of Being Me (http://mynameisnazir.blogspot.com/2013/06/doubt-book-review.html?spref=tw) has recently review my book Doubt. I am just posting what he has written..... 

Doubt A Book Review

Kalau korang nak tahu, aku ialah seorang lelaki yang berhati kulus, kudus, mulus (ada makna ke frasa tu semua?). Buktinya: Aku tak mampu nak tengok cerita kekejaman manusia waras terhadap manusia lain seperti dalam Saw, Hostel etc. Pernah satu hari kekawan aku perangkap bawak aku gi wayang yang tajuknya totally sangat aman damai tapi once lagak kejam tu bermula.., aku terus berpaling ke arah seat belakang sehingga cerita tu habis. Hmmm...
Apa novel tempatan yang paling best bagi korang..? Please jangan kata 'Sebenarnya Saya Isteri dia' or 'Suami Aku Ustaz' ialah pilihan korang. Dari tajuk je dah tahu yang cerita tu gila-gila mengarut. p/s: Sorry, aku tak layan novel-novel cintan cintun macam tu lagi yaa. 
Minggu ni tadi aku dah meletekkan satu novel baru sebagai novel tempatan dan tak salah aku katakan kalau ia adalah novel terbaik yang pernah aku baca. Novel yang aku maksudkan ialah Doubt oleh Bissme S. Sebenarnya ia bukanlah novel sebaliknya antologi 45 buah cerita pendek. Dan buku ni sangat kecik dan nipis tapi effectnya sangat besar bagak.
Korang percaya pada penamat happy ending? Atau korang lahir dan membesar dalam persekitaran orang baik-baik? Setiap cerita ni berakhir dengan penamat happy ending tapi bukan dari perspektif yang kau mampu fikirkan. Dan membaca buku ni akan membuatkan kau mampu mempersoalkan sisi lain yang ada pada orang-orang baik disekitar kau. Buku ni sangat kejam. Ia sangat gila tapi cukup pasti ia mengghairahkan.
Macam mana aku nak gambarkan tentang buku ni ek? Kau selalu menonton drama Cerekarama di TV atau filem-filem Melayu di pawagam? Then buku ni totally tak akan menggambarkan 1 peratus pun tentang buku ni. Buku ni bergerak di luar norma yang normal. Ia tentang seorang ibu yang sangat benci dengan anaknya sendiri sehingga dia sanggup tatookan tangan anaknya since dari kecil lagi, tentang seorang pencinta yang sanggup upah orang bunuh anak si kekasih semata-mata mahu hidup berdua, tentang adik beradik kembar yang sanggup have a sex bersama semata-mata untuk duit, tentang lelaki yang sanggup bersenggama dengan mayat untuk membuktikan rasa cintanya dan etc. 
Still aku tak dapat nak gambarkan sedikitpun tentang cerita ni. Ia ditulis dalam Bahasa Inggeris yang cukup mudah, sekadar kurang 5 muka surat tapi penggunaan ayatnya sangat detail, kejam, gila, berahi etc dan ia menghasilkan impak gramatis.
Aku baca buku ni di tempat yang ramai khalayak lalu lalang. Setiap kali aku tamat satu cerpen then aku toleh kiri-kanan dan aku perhatikan mereka semua. Sebab watak dalam cerita ni could be anyone. Walaupun cerita dalam buku ni terlalu gila tapi ia boleh berlaku kepada sesiapa sahaja. Sebab semua orang ada kegilaan dalam diri tapi ia bergantung kepada sejauh mana kita nak jayakan kegilaan tu or just simpan kemas-kemas dalam hati je. Dan mereka-mereka dalam buku ni merealisasikan kegilaan mereka dengan gila sekali. 
Aku pun ada kegilaan yang aku boleh relate dengan cerita ni cuma aku tak nak share sebab nanti kau akan kata aku gila pulak. Btw buku ni sememangnya mesti dibaca dan dimilikki. Cuma nasihat aku pada orang yang berjiwa lemah, jangan terbawak-bawak sebab kau memang ada kebarangkalian untuk mencuba. Hmmm..

Monday, May 13, 2013

Doubt & Other Short Stories Anthologies

This year I have just published my first book Doubt that highlights  a collection of my short stories.  In the past  my short stories had appeared in several short stories anthologies. In today post I will be highlighting the covers of the books where short stories had appeared 

In 2007 my short story titled To Be His Lover was translated in Bahasa Malaysia and was published in this Bahasa Malaysia  anthology published By Stormkitchen . I believe this  is the first time my short stories ever got published in anthology. Some writers whose short stories  had appeared in this anthology are   


In 2007 My short story titled Dad appeared in this short story anthology.   Some writers who had their works published in the same anthology have been Lydia Teh, John Ling,  Jennifer Wan, Tunku Halim, Xeus  and Chua Kok Yee. 


In 2010, edited by Azwan Ismail and Diana Dirani,  my short story titled A Woman of Two Faces was translated in Bahasa Malaysia and appeared in this anthology . Some writers who had their short stories published in this anthologies are Nizam Zakaria, Dina Zaman. Bernice Chauly,  Ridhwan Saidi,  Chuah Guat Eng Ajami Hashim & Fadli al-Akiti


Finaly this  year, in 2013,   I finally had  a book published where it featured 45  of my short stories. To find out more please log to : http://tokobuku.fotopages.com/?entry=6483554

Monday, April 1, 2013


Abandoned By Bissme S 

I was in pain. I was in tears. I was on the floor, begging him not to abandon me. Whatever I said made no difference. Whatever I did made no difference. He was determined to break my heart. 

“If you want your man to stop loving you, then marry him.” 

My mother constantly told me that when I was young 

“Marriage gives men license to stop loving you,” she said. 
“They will stop pampering you. They will stop caring about you. They will stop telling you that they love you.” 

My mother was a bitter woman trapped in a miserable relationship. My parents were always quarreling. And sometimes their argument got violent. My father hit her. And my mother hit him back. They would be covered in bruises. 

“When your father was courting me, he never beats me, no matter how bad we quarreled,” my mother said. 
“Marriage changed that.”

My mother could have left my dad. My mother could have a better life. Strangely enough she did not walk that road. 

“A woman without a husband is treated like a pariah dog in this society and I have no intention to be a pariah dog,” she said       
My marriage was carbon copy of my parent’s marriage. It has no love. It has no passion. My husband too busy building his business empire. I was invisible character in his life. Each time I brought up the subject of him not giving me enough attention, our conversation turned into a fierce argument

The only difference between my marriage and my parent’s marriage is that my husband and I are more civil. There was no violence in our relationship. There were no bruises on our body. 

In many occasions I wanted leave my husband and find happiness out there. But I never found guts to pursue my dreams. My mother’s word kept haunting me - A woman without husband is treated like a pariah dog in this society. And like my mother, I have no intention to be a pariah dog. 

I do not know exactly when our affair began. He flirted with me and shamelessly, I flirted with him, too. There were a lot of erotic moments between us. Then, one raining cold night, our bodies met, sexually. We kept each other warm. 

He was much younger to me. But that did not stop him from loving me… from desiring me. He worshipped the ground I walked on. He wrote poems about me. He painted me. He was a well known photographer and I was his favourite subject. I never felt so loved in my life. 

We took extreme measures to make sure my husband and the world never know about our love story. We have so much to lose if our affair was not a secret. 

My happiness with him did not last. One of his assignments drove us apart. A publisher wanted to create a coffee table book that captures the beauty of Thailand. It was the first time we had to be separated. It was the first time we had not seen each other for months. 

When he returned from Thailand, he was different man. He kept his distance from me. I thought a woman in Thailand has won his heart and I have become a forgotten chapter in his life. But the truth was worst. He found religion. He found god. It all began with a photo shoot in a monastery. 

“The moment I step into monastery, I feel a certain kind of peace that I have never felt in my entire life,” he told. 
“God have entered my heart and wants me to be a better man. What we have been doing is sinful. I want to dedicate my life to God. I want to be monk. I want to wash away my sins. I want to go to heaven.” 

I was shocked beyond words. Never in million years, I dreamt that God would become the obstacle that end our relationship. I hated God. I hated religion, I hated monasteries. He was the only happiness. I would never forgive god. 

He became the monk in the same monastery where he found god. I had written countless letters, begging him to see me. He did not reply any of the letters. Then I decided, not to write to him, any more.  

Two years later, I wrote to him again. And immediately he returned home. 

“I thought you will not come to see me,” I said. 
I thought you hated me. I thought you hate everything about our relationship. I thought you hated for seducing you.” 

Holding my hand affectionately, he said: “I can never hate you… You are my mother … You did not force me to do anything that I do not want to do. You are ill. You need me.” 

I lied to him. I told him that I had terminal illness and my last wish was to see my only child. I knew my lies would drag him to me. But I also know he would not stay with me forever. He would want to go back to monastery where he can serve God … where he can  washed away the sin he had committed with me… where God would forgive him and give him the heaven he desired so desperately .  

But he belongs in my arms. He belongs in my heart. God doesn’t deserve him. God did not carry him for nine months. God could not love him the way I love him. No one could love him the way I love him. 

I had devised a plan where God would not come between us anymore. Nothing should separate us now. We are meant to be together. 

My plan began with a pleasant dinner between us. The moment he finished eating his dinner, he felt dizzy. It did not take him long to close his eyes. I put him in a wheel chair. 

Then, slowly, I moved to wheel chair, heading towards the ocean that was near our house. As we were drowning in the sea, I hugged him tight and whispered into his ears: “All I ever wanted was to love you. But you would not let me….” 

The End

PS:  I have just recently released a collection of my short stories in book titled Doubt. Abandoned is one of the stories featured in this book.  If you are interested to get a copy of doubt please go to this link. 

Friday, February 8, 2013

The Great Lie

 The Great Lie By Bissme S

I didn’t want her to play this game of madness. I couldn’t stop her. I was helpless. The moment he opened his eyes, she told him lies. She convinced him that she was his wife ...they were happily married... their new home was in New York. Naively, he trusted every word she told him.  

When I was young, my mother always told me that relationships build on the foundation of lies will never last. Well, my daughter is a walking example that my mother is not always right.

He has no clue that the woman he hugged every night for the last two years is not his wife. And my daughter has no plans to tell him the truth. 

Her relationship with him was built on one lie after another. Yet, I had not seen a happier couple than them. They laughed a lot. She knew exactly the right things to say to make him laugh. From my daughter, I learned lies can make you happy and sometimes, the truth is over- rated.

”I believe I am destined to love him and no one else.”

In the past, I would have respected my daughter’s privacy and not read her dairy. Not any more. I wanted to know everything about her love for him and nobody lies to their dairy.

He was the first man she loved and she wanted him to be the last man she loved. She had a hard time accepting the fact that he was not her lover… he was not her husband …he was calling another woman as his wife. She was obsessed to be his lover.

She wrote in her dairy: “I have tried to love other men. But all the relationships failed to work out. The more I dissect my failed relationships, the clearer the picture became - at any circumstances and at any price, I had to be his lover. There was no two ways about it. As long as, I am not his lover, I will never find any peace.
Sadness will always hang over my life like dark clouds. I am tired of dark clouds. I yearn for a rainbow. Only he can give me the rainbow that I want so desperately.”

There are many nights she cried herself to sleep, knowing the fact that they can never share a bed together.  She was tired of crying. She wanted so badly to be happy. And only he can give her the happiness she searched for.

When my daughter wanted to move to New York, I was not thrilled. I didn’t want my only child to be so far away from me.  She convinced me that New York was the best place for her to grow as an artist and reluctantly, I had to let her go.  

Of course, the truth was a different story. She wanted to be far away from him.  But distance did not make her forget him. Sometimes, it is difficult to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does. 

Nine months later, I made a trip to New York. I wanted to surprise her. I didn’t want my daughter celebrate her birthday all alone.  Instead, life surprised me. The plane didn’t land safely at the airport.  I died instantly.  I didn’t want to leave my daughter alone in her moment of sadness. I want to keep her company, spiritually. 

It was the biggest mistake I did in my life. Truly, I wished I had not visited her. I wanted to be ignorant of her madness.  I wanted to be ignorant of her obsession.
Unlike me, he didn’t die in the plane accident. He went into a coma. After six months in hospital, she brought him home. Constantly, she was at his bed side… reading to him…talking to him… crying for him ….praying for him. 

There were times she got intimate with him. She hugged him. She kissed him. She whispered words of love into his ears. Then, two years later, out of the blue, a miracle took place. He woke up from his coma. He did not remember who he was. He didn’t remember who she was. She took the opportunity to manipulate her way into his heart.  It was manipulation at the highest degree.

I hope that he never finds out the truth. He would have hard time digesting the truth. As for my daughter, she is not bothered about what is right and what is wrong. She was tired of living a life of misery. She desperately wanted her love story to have a happy ending.    

She wrote in her diary: “I know what I have done is madness. But when love is not madness, it is not love. When the time comes, I will be ready to face God's wrath, his punishment and his hell.”  

Initially, I was furious with my daughter, but slowly, I learned to forgive her. All mothers forgive their children, eventually. I justified to myself that what took place was not entirely her fault. She never asked to be born as his daughter. More than his daughter, she wanted to be his lover. 

The End

P.S. I have just recently released a collection of my short stories in  book titled  Doubt. Wet is one of the stories featured in this book.  if you are interested to get Doubt please log to this link 

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Wet By Bissme S

There was a knock on my door. My visitor was a stranger, who was wet from head to toe.

“My car broke down,” he said.
“Can I please use your telephone to call my mechanic?”

Out of pity, I allowed him into my house. The moment my door was closed, he grabbed me. He pinned me down on the floor. Fear danced in my bones. I wanted to shout. But he covered my mouth.

“Don’t shout,” the stranger said.
“Don’t be afraid. I will not kill you. Believe me, you will enjoy every moment of it. Nobody will want you the way I want you.”

He undressed me, violently. He kissed me, passionately. He fucked me, vigorously. It was lust at the highest degree. And he was right…I enjoyed every moment of it.

When we finished making love, he wore his clothes and left. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t use my telephone. His car was not broken down. I really believed that would be the last time I would see him.

But I was wrong. The following night, he was at my door step, again. It was not raining and he was not wet.

“My car broke down,” he said.
“Can I please use your telephone to call my mechanic?”

This time around, I allowed him in my house, not out of pity. I wanted him inside me…. I wanted him to make me feel wanted.

Every night, we would have the similar routine. He would be at my doorstep, asking to use my phone to call the mechanic for his broken down car. We would end up making love.

The moment we finished making love, he would leave. There were no conversations between us. I had tried asking him questions but he never answered them.

Three years later, one night, the knocking on my door stopped. He disappeared from my life. I was totally miserable. Slowly, I realized that my relationship with him was not based on lust. I tried to look for him. But I do not where to begin my search. I know nothing of him. I don’t even know his name.

I told my close friends about him. They had a hard time believing my story. They believed he was a figment of my imagination.

Two years later, I saw him, again. He was in the news. He was a lawyer who was slowly building a career in politics. The prime minister had given him some ministerial post. Now, I could guess his reasons to stop seeing me….his reasons to forget me. Most people will rather have this country burn to ashes than have a minister who is a gay, running this country.

His political career did not have a smooth ride. He and the prime minister did not see eye to eye on many issues. He had bravely opposed with some of the decisions that the prime minister had taken. The media had a field day covering their hostile relationship. Out of anger, the prime minister sacked him.

He became the first minister in this country to be sacked. His wife was furious. She left him. She had a dream to be first lady of this country. Her dreams had been shattered. And she would not forgive him.

Loneliness can be a terrifying experience. All his friends and families kept their distance from him. He desperately wanted some companion. He was  at my door steps, again. He was wet from head to toe.

“My car broke down,” he said.
“Can I please use your telephone to call my mechanic?”

I allowed him inside my house. He was crying. I took out his wet clothes. I hugged him.  I planted kisses all over his faces.

“Stay here tonight,” I said.
“Nobody will want you the way I want you.”

That was the first night he didn’t disappear after we made love.

He likes spending time with me. I made him laugh and he made me smile. He was a stranger to me. But I was not a stranger to him. We had met before. I had no memory of our meeting but he remembered everything. We were school mates.

“I wanted to talk to you whenever I see you in school,” he said.
“You were handsome…You were gorgeous….You were so beautiful. But I was afraid to do so. I was so afraid that you would snub me. You looked snobbish. You were a loner.”

I had to become a snobbish. I had to become a loner. I didn’t have a choice. My school mates were always teasing me because I was effeminate. I kept my distance from everyone. I avoided crowd. I was tired of people laughing at me. School was not a place where I went to make friends.

There was a change in our political climate. We had a different party ruling our government. We had a different prime minister.

“Before the election, I promised you that there will be change,” says the new prime minister in his first fiery speech after winning the election. 
“I intend to keep my word. Nothing will remain the same. You will see a difference. Change is here.”

Like the country, there was a change in our relationship. The new prime minister wanted him back in the cabinet as his deputy prime minister. The new prime minister was a strategist. Hiring the sacked minister from the previous prime minister was a great way for the new prime minister to gain more popularity and admiration.

He could no longer stay with me. He did not want people to speculating about our relationship.

“I will not disappear like the last time,” he assured me.
“I will call you. I want you in my life. No one will want you the way I want you.”

I trusted him completely. But I should have known politicians are fond of breaking their promises. His ambitious wife returned to his side and I have become a forgotten character in his life.

Eight years later, his political career ended, abruptly. His wife, a business woman, had given bribes to get some government contract. He had no choice but forced to resign. He was furious with his wife. His dream to be the prime minister of the country was shattered. And he could not forgive his wife. He ended his marriage.

When I first read his tragic news, I was jumping with joy. Whenever he is in trouble, the first person he looked for is me. I waited for him. I wanted to see him. I wanted him inside me. I wanted us to be lovers, again. But there was no knock on my door.

What stopped him from knocking my door? I wondered. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I wondered no more. I was no longer handsome. I was no longer gorgeous. I was no longer beautiful.

The End

P.S. I have just recently released a collection of my short stories in  book titled  Doubt. Wet is one of the stories featured in this book.  if you are interested to get Doubt please log to Doubt link